Who? Colorado senator, who?

Website: bennet.senate.gov

Short Answer: Currently, only mentioned so highly as a candidate because of alphabetical order. Probably running for V.P.

Who? Creepy lovable creep, everyman (read:racist white guy) charade that happens to do the bidding of credit card companies, his handlers worry that more will come out about Biden's handsy approach with women and girls, but his politics have been racist and terrible for decades.

Website: joebiden.com

Reads: Joe Biden Is a Disaster Waiting to Happen by Branko Marcetic

Short Answer: front runner of panicked democratic party elites.

Good question for the campaign trail:"In 1998, Biden admitted to Specter that 'It was clear to me from the way she was answering the questions, [Hill] was lying' about a key part of her testimony. The exchange was published in Specter’s 2000 memoir, 'Passion for Truth: From Finding JFK’s Single Bullet to Questioning Anita Hill to Impeaching Clinton.'" Biden has been trying for a too little too late non-apology since announcing his run, but he should eat dog shit over his treatment of Anita Hill alone. Specter is dead, so it'll be fun for Biden to call his dead friend a liar, but wouldn't it be great if Biden was dogged with "What part was Anita Hill lying about?" at every campaign event.

Who? New Jersey senator, Newark Mayor,

Website: booker.senate.gov

Short Answer: Self-promotion embodied, his base all work for hedge funds and wall street banks or plan to.

Who? mayor, mckinsey consultant, military intelligence. A favorite of democratic party hacks who love low information voters

Website: probably vote for aw shucks mayor pete golly dot com slash cambridge analytica metric ingester

Reads: All About Pete by Nathan J. Robinson

Short Answer: Just read Nathan J. Robinson's piece linked to above.

Who? Ex-Secretary of Housing and Mayor of San Antonio

Website: julianforthefuture.com

Short Answer: Probably not the absolute worst candidate on immigration policy. Polls so low he doesn't show up on the chart, but could be a V.P. consideration.

Who? Maryland Congresscritter

Website: johndelaney.com

Short Answer: First "prominent Democrat" to announce, first "prominent Democrat" to drop out?

Who? Hawaiian Congresscritter, anti-imperialist?

Website: tulsi2020.com

Reads: Tulsi Gabbard Is A Rising Progressive Star, Despite Her Support For Hindu Nationalists by Soumya Shankar and Tulsi Gabbard Is Not Your Friend By Branko Marcetic

Short Answer: In 2016, she jumped team Clinton to endorse Sanders, which got her a lot of attention. But those familiar with her politics keep muttering "Modi" and "weird cult shit." Still, probably better than 85% of the others on this list.

Who? New York Senator

Website: kirstengillibrand.com

Short Answer: Honestly seems to give a shit about sexual violence and voted consistently against Trump's swamp creature nominees, but relatively weak on everything else. Took a nice step back from endorsing a disgusting anti-Boycott, Divest, sanction, but hasn't exactly done anything else great of note.

Who? U.S. Senator from Alaska, decent human being, anti-imperialist, sometimes actually might be three kids from upstate New York under a long coat pretending to be a single grown up

Website: Mike Gravel's twitter is the best campaign website this year

Short Answer: Just running to get into the debates, Gravel makes Bernie Sanders sound like a third way centrist and reveals the naked inhumanity of the rest of the candidates. His tweeter feed is a reason to get up in the morning.

Who? California Senator, Attorney General of California, District Attorney of San Francisco

Website: kamalaharris.org

Reads: "Kamala Harris laughed about jailing parents over truancy. But it's not funny" by Nathan J. Robinson

Short Answer: Ex-Prosecutor, grills crappy Trump witnesses and nominees like one, smart, but ultimately an ex-prosecutor in a country that is drowning in mass incarceration. There's a really gross clip going around of her gleefully bragging about prosecuting parents for... “I believe a child going without an education is tantamount to a crime. So, I decided I was going to start prosecuting parents for truancy.” Her dad was a marxist, frightening lefty parents everywhere that they're raising future cops.

Who? Governor of Colorado, Mayor of Denver

Website: hickenlooper.com

Short Answer: What do you do after governor? Run for president?

Who? Governor of Colorado Washington, former congress person

Website:jayinslee.com

Short Answer: What do you do after governor? Run for president? But seriously, his campaign is focussing heavily on combatting global climate change, which is better than some others.

Who? Minnesota senator, strong right arm

Website: klobuchar.senate.gov

Short Answer: Milquetoast jerk of a boss. Great if you want someone who republicans love.

Who? Mayor of Miramar, Florida (which is 20,000 more people than Buttigieg's South Bend, so why do we never hear of Messam?)

Website:wayneforamerica.com

Short Answer: Taking on gun violence, cancel student debt, small business man type-mayor. So-so blando politics, but better than Buttigieg's.

Who? Massachusetts congresscritter, who?

Website:sethmoulton.com

Short Answer: I think I might be polling better than Seth and I'm just making a website on who is running for president.

Who? Texas congresscritter, lost Senate race to Ted Cruz

Website:betoorourke.com

Short Answer: Repackaged neoliberal as "cooler" youth? He's not the white Obama, he's the white Justin Trudeau. He's those photos of Paul Ryan doing Crossfit if Ryan was a democrat and could balance on a skateboard. He was conceived during a Bill Clinton saxophone solo and his lullabies as a baby were Clinton scoldings of Sister Souljah. He's de Blasio wistfully looking out the window wishing he was ten years younger before signing on to hire thousands of more NYPD cops. Robert O'Rourke is what he is.

Who? Ohio State Senator, who?

Website:timryanforamerica.com

Short Answer: Swinging a little hard, ain't we, Tim?

Who? Vermont Senator, Congressperson, mayor of Burlington, you know who this one is, ok. Feel the Bern?

Website:berniesanders.com

Short Answer: Best candidate who might be able to win this thing. Scares the pants off wall street robber barons (who panic only a little less over Elizabeth Warren and would have a coronary if they thought Mike Gravel had a chance). Biggest problem? Gets "it," doesn't always well articulate "it." Has spawned an entire industry of liberal duds who willfully misinterpret every single thing he says because they are so frightened of power.

Who? California congressman, huh?

Website:www.ericswalwell.com

Short Answer: Gun control. Dud.

Who? Massachusetts senator, strong on consumer protections

Website: warren.senate.gov

Short Answer: Critical of capitalism, but thinks it has been corrupted and can be fixed. Actually thinks about things which means when she says terrible stuff about Palestine or other foreign policy things, she's telling you that it's what she actually thinks.

Quote: "I think the vote [for $225m for Israel's "Iron Dome" system] was right, and I'll tell you why I think the vote was right. America has a very special relationship with Israel. Israel lives in a very dangerous part of the world, and a part of the world where there aren't many liberal democracies and democracies that are controlled by the rule of law. And we very much need an ally in that part of the world."

Who? California congressman, huh?

Website:marianne2020.com

Short Answer: New Age progressive who you will never hear about again after reading this sentence.

Who? Business guy

Website:yang2020.com

Short Answer: wishes all candidate lists were alphabetical by first name, has major buttigieg envy.